Making the First Move

So my first post will be about two things related to the title:
- Starting a blog to post my thoughts and ideas, where people can choose to either read or not read, support or challenge
- The literal meaning of my title.....relating to dating.....and what I've learned about what happens when confident girls start playing the game

Allright...so I made a post on facebook saying that I thought I should write a book about my dating philosophy because I think it would help a lot of people. Well I meant it seriously, but a lot of people thought I was joking. And one brilliant man, Kacy Garstka (a past classmate of mine from Carnegie Mellon), suggested I start a blog. So here I go - I am pretty excited about it because sometimes I get random thoughts and talk to my shrink about it. It helps to talk to him about it, but we often go off on tangents that get pretty deep and I would love to remember all of the meaningful conversation I have with people. Here will be my location for sharing critical pieces of knowledge I pick up from my journey through life. As mentioned above, you can choose to read it or ignore it. If all this ends up being is a personal diary, that's ok. And one disclaimer...if you read something about yourself in here and are offended or upset that I used your name or clearly described you, I apologize. My life is extremely comical these days and I like sharing - I will likely tell you I am using you in my post prior to posting, but if I don't, I probably don't like you that much :)

OK - I want to talk a little about dating in 2010. I have a philosophy that I'll share in a later post, but I specifically want to share some insights on how males and females behave on dates these days. I'll start by letting everyone know that I am not at all an expert on dating and will admit I have never had a healthy serious relationship, nor have I ever "dated" someone for more than 45 minutes without rushing into a "committed relationship" until 2010. Others may have reached the same understanding I have years and years ago, but since I just recently had the AH-HA! moment, I feel the need to explain it.

Now let me be honest with everyone about how boring the state of Connecticut is - I would probably rather live anywhere in the world other than here, but for some reason, here is where I landed for my career. I won't get into my career yet, but I will tell you that it's been very difficult to meet people (both to date and/or to be friends with). It seems if I talk to a guy at a bar or pub or really anywhere, they think I want to take them home (sorry guys, it's not true! that's not my style!) and if I talk to a girl, she thinks I am a lesbian or is in a clique and not interested in growing the sisterhood. That leaves me with either hanging by my lonesome, recruiting lonely coworkers to join my pity party, or getting up and getting on www.match.com to see if I can keep myself entertained.

So since January 4th, I have been on the dating website, having quite a blast meeting people and analyzing and disecting the behaviors of the males I have been pleasantly surprised to have met. I won't go through each and every one of them, some are more interesting than others and will get their own showcase in my blog...and there will be more to come. In case any family members are reading this and starting to get distrurbed - don't worry I am not getting into any trouble. I have a strict set of rules that I will share at some time with all of you. I specifically do not kiss on the first or second date, and make that very clear to everyone I meet. You should see the reaction when guys hear this for the first time. I have yet to meet a guy who said "me neither" but all of them have been quite understanding and respectful. I have only had one second date with a very nice man who, for now we will call FF. I asked him what he thought about girls making the first move on a date. He seemed taken aback by the question and softened his defense by answering "it all depends on the situation." At first I thought this was a cop-out and I still might. I actually challenged him and asked when he would not like it. My attractive and intelligent new friend FF told me that he would not be thrilled if he were about to make a move and then the girl did it first. I guess I can see for a first kiss how this could be awkward. I am thinking along the lines of a guy not wanting to give the girl the power and feel less of a man in the beginning of a relationship, but I am sorry fellas, for this is 2010. Women decide when it's ok to make the first move, or at least I do. FF is actually a one of a kind guy so far in my book, because he says he won't make the first move until he is 100% sure she is interested and also ready. He followed that up by saying if the girl makes the first move and it's "a good one" then he won't be upset at all! Needless to say, I will be seeing FF again - anyone who will help me talk out these important items gets a big thumbs up!

So I'll end by urging women to not kiss on the first date and communicate your intentions of waiting until you feel the time is right. What is the point of kissing someone if you don't like who they are as a person, or if you're not sure you even want to see them again. Even if there is chemistry on the first date, waiting might possibly be the best thing you can do to make your next date even more exciting! Some guys might call this "prude-ish" or even pointless and lose interest immediately, but that shows you that those are not the right guys for us. The right guys are the ones that respect us and want to get to know us as people, instead of objects.

Allright, I am going to bed, after writing in my blog for the first time since 2004? WOW